Keeping a journal, even a sporadic one, as I do, is humbling. I look at past entries every now and again, read my brave declarations and promises to myself. The promises continue to be unfulfilled. Time is getting short. I’m tempted to say I have wasted the last couple years allowing myself to become domesticated. Let’s say I’ve spent the last couple years allowing myself to become domesticated. Whether it’s been a waste or not isn’t worth pursuing. Mostly, I’ve learned to be more disciplined; well, about certain things anyway, mostly my personal grooming and clutter-filled habits; this thanks to my manager at work, who is a clean-desk man. I became a minimalist the day he threatened to send me home because I was wearing leopard tights (albeit with a black tunic top). Too avant-garde, he said. We work for a financial institution; up till now my work has been in alternative journalism and graphic design, both fields where a certain amount of sartorial rebellion was not only overlooked, it was encouraged. Anyway, I threw away the tights and my scarlet shoes and bought three black blazers, a collection of no-iron shirts, and some grandma heels. Now I actually like my wardrobe; it certainly does not require the expenditure of any creative energy. I’ve learned to manage my mouth, too, and curb my cursing and shouting. The only trouble is, now I feel like a drone; my interior world has grown as colorless and un-expressive as my outer. What I want to say in this blog post is the same thing I said four years ago in my last one: I need to cut back on my web-surfing and commit to writing every day. So I will and I do, driven by the realization that when my new women’s group met today to discuss the nurturing of dreams, every one had a seed they were excited to grow. What I wanted to talk about was how to suck it up at work without internalizing. Sad, but actually I did get some excellent advice, chiefly to think of it as blowing off rather than sucking up, for the sake of my health. I am going to do that, and look forward to my digestive issues improving!