The hip surprises me with occasional sudden lapses, but the thing is, my knee hurts too. Pain referring from the hip, I tell myself, uncomfortable because of the extra burden on my hip, I tell myself. And inside, I’m afraid that I need a knee replacement too. Really afraid. I’ve heard so much about how unpleasant knee replacements are. Now that I’ve accepted the necessity for a hip replacement I’ve been so glad I’m having one; hip replacements get good reviews by comparison to knees: fast easy recovery. It took me a long time to get here, to this easy acceptance of the surgery; I’ve almost been looking forward to it. Now this. I can’t put it off any longer. Today’s the day. I’ll call to make an appointment for a knee x-ray. Knowing will be better than this constant grey dread. So I’m prolonging my morning ritual, which is long anyway, the comforting milky tea, the tangy sweetness of blended cottage cheese and pineapple, the supplements, the checking of email, all so familiar and comforting. I’ve really worked out a way to live with my disability that is more than tolerable. But today’s the day. I’ll make the call.